If you read my last post, you will see that I am struggling with Facebook right now. I am no longer comfortable reading all the opinions and issues that friends and family post. It seems to be so full of opinions and anger that it is no longer fun to read.
At the same time, this is where we have been sharing our lives with our extending networks of past and present friends, coworkers, and family. And when a significant event occurs, shouldn't it be shared with as a major life event?
So here I am...I got the call last night that my dad had passed. It was not unexpected. He had Parkinson's for years, then the Covid isolation accelerated the disease. Two weeks ago he was admitted to the hospital as Covid positive. Three days ago he was not eating, had high sodium, and fluid in the lungs. His personal doctor, the hospital doctor, and I all agreed that it was time to just make him comfortable. No feeding tube, no resuscitation. The loss is not as significant as some would think because the man I know as my dad had been gone a while. And yes, there is relief at his passing...and guilt for feeling the relief. But death is familiar to me...it is a well worn path that I have traveled before.
But now the struggle is how to share this with that extending community of family and friends. If I share it on Facebook, I will get hundreds of comments that I will have to look at and respond to, even if it is only to "like" them. But with that interaction I will get sucked into looking at other posts on Facebook. Those posts that I am actively trying to avoid by not looking at Facebook as much as I used to.
It is strange to struggle with a decision, because I am known as a decisive person most of the time. I have dealt with critical decisions frequently and have an instinctive way of choosing the correct path every time. I have to consider this one for a few days. Since we are not doing a funeral or memorial service, I may wait until the burial and just publish a link to the obituary.
Wow, I am so sorry for your loss. I completely understand and sympathize with the notion that the man you loved had been gone for a while. I had a similar reaction to my grandfather's passing a few years ago. He had dementia for years and was completely changed from the man I had known my entire life.
ReplyDeleteIf he had an account prior to his passing, Facebook allows people to "memorialize" accounts. If that's an option, it may invite people to leave comments and sentiments without them living on your page and sending you notifications. Otherwise, perhaps another family member could share the news.
https://www.facebook.com/help/1506822589577997
I will say that while your feelings towards Facebook are totally valid and common, it may be a welcome change to have a supportive community rally around you in this time as opposed to the usual noise of fighting over politics. Or you can choose not to post at all, you're not obligated to share even if the culture today compels us to share all news good and bad. I am sure you'll figure it out as you take time to process.
Sorry again and all the best to you and your family.
Hi Bayraider, I'm sending my condolences for your loss. My Granny had Parkinson's and although I was a child I remember the toll it took on my family. Like Charlie, I believe that your hesitance to share on FB is valid. In this age where people are eager to act a mini news anchors breaking every piece of new information, my friends have had unpleasant experiences where a distant cousin or family member shares the death of a loved one before the immediate family had a chance to be notified. It's absolutely horrible. I think for that reason alone I've decided to not share much online regarding those matters. If you are you feeling indecisive maybe take sometime to feel those feelings before posting, do it when you are ready.
ReplyDeleteThank you Charlie. I choose to post, partly as a response to this course. it is interesting the different communities in my life all responding. It will likely drive my next blog.
ReplyDeleteWhile I was sad for what I had lost, I was glad my mother moved beyond suffering when she passed. That comes from a place of love and care. All my best to you and your family.
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